I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
