my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
