I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
