are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
