Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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