yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
