Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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