can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
