There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
