Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
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I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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