we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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