I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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