I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
