It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
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Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
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I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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