Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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