If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
