I am in a vortex of obligation.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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