No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
