I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I will be naked everywhere
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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