Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
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