wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize