i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
