I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
