So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Randomize
