I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
