If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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