this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
