yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
