I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize