i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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