Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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