Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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