i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
