so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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