Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
