hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
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