Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
my sisters under your porch take her home
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
