there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
