two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
sex in a hospital.. check
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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