I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
