I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
I am so proud to call you my friend