I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
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So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
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Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.