i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
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Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
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Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.