thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I need a burrito and a hug.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.