HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing