I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
