He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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