The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize