I wanna passion pit in your ass
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
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