If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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