Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
