You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
