I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You need a sexual gate keeper
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
