So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
