I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
