You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
