I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
