he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
