i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.