# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating