He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
