I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
