Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
