coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
