We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
