I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
