i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
