I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Randomize
