And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
