Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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