did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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