My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
