He disabled his match.com account in front of me
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
