Cold hands, warm shart.
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
