I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Everyone says I win the strip club
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize