I think I died a long time ago.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize