Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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