that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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