After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
