My cat gives me a boner
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize