First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
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