My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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