She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
