please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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