yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
