if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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